No light

when i was in JC, i liked taking long bus rides. there was one occasion i wanted to go to bukit batok from SAJC. the most straightforward 40-min route would have been to take bus 97 to Jurong East MRT and take a train to Bukit Batok. but i waited very long at the bus stop and bus 61 came. I saw the route display n learnt bus 61 terminates at bukit batok, so i thought wat the heck. i'll jus take bus 61, not knowing bus 61 detours to soooo many places, it took me 1 and a half hours to reach bukit batok. by the time i reached the terminal i was so car-sick and tired, i vomitted. all this just cos i did not wait for the bus i was supposed to take, and took the bus that came first.

ever wondered how things might have turned out if u had waited for something that u were supposed to? i wonder maybe a little more often than i should... would it have been worth holding out for the person whom i thought was the "One". it doesnt help that now he's still someone i run to for some sympathetic ears and encouragement. it jus makes me wonder... (not regret, just wonder)... should i have waited? no, i tell myself no... it's not that i didnt wait, it's just that i gave up the wait... some things just don't happen no matter how long i wait. this is not the first time i've had this thought, it could be another case of "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. so that cliche could be true, mayb friendship is a much more precious relationship to have, hold and cherish than a romantic relationship - less committal but also less destructible, more tolerant, less selfish. or am i just kidding myself?

the unknown and undiscovered is perpetually shrouded by a beautiful veil of mystery that keeps me lingering n longing. the tragic of knowing that some possibilities never become reality leaves not only traces of sadness but traces of peace, becos i know the love of a partner might turn sour, but the love of a good friend will always be here. at least for as long as he is single i guess. it's much easier to embrace hope, regardless of how futile that hopeful wait might be.

it was easier choosing someone who loved me, and give up waiting for someone i wanted to love. it was an easier decision to make then, but is it an easier decision to stick with? why am i asking myself this qn time n again? since i always derive at the same answer; if i had not given up waiting then, i probably would still be waiting till now with no light at the end of the tunnel... sighz